An American tourist was visiting a temple in Singapore when he noticed two statues of a man and a woman by the altar.
He asked the monk what was the significance of the two. The monk explained that in the Chinese system of yin and yang, positives must always be balanced by negatives, and having the two statues ensured that the universal balance was maintained.
"This statue of the woman is the Goddess of Mercy, Kuan-Yin."
"What about the other one?" asked the tourist.
In a hushed voice, the monk said, "This one is the God of No Mercy, Kuan-Yew."
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One day, our beloved Senior Minister went to Thailand and had lobster for dinner with the Thai King. After SM had finished, he asked the King....
SM: Your Highness, what can you do with this lobster shell?
King : We cannot do anything with it, we just throw it away.
SM: Oh, no. In our country, we send it to the factory and produce prawn crackers.
Then SM had an orange. After he had finished, he asked the King.
SM: What can you do with the orange skin?
King : We cannot do anything. We just throw it away.
SM: Oh, no. In Singapore, we send it to the factory and produce orange jam.
Then SM asked for some chewing gum. After he had finished, he put it on the plate and asked the King.
SM: What can you do with the chewing gum?
King: Oh, no. We just throw it away.
SM: In Singapore, we send it to the factory to produce condoms and then send it to Thailand.
SM was about to leave but then the King asked him...
King: What do you do with the condom when you finish using it?
SM: We cannot do anything. We just throw it away.
King: In Thailand, when we finish using the condom, we send it to the factory to produce chewing gum and then send it back to Singapore!!!
And that is the reason why chewing gum is banned in Singapore.
Why did the Singaporean chicken cross the road?
Tang Liang Hong: The chicken crossed the road because it was running for its life from a gang of vultures!
Philip Yeo:
The chickens have a MORAL responsibility to cross the road. If they don't, we'll name them in the newspapers.
Lee Kuan Yew: Every chicken should be given the opportunity to realise its full potential to cross the road. The brightest chickens should lead.
Richard Hu: DON'T PANIC. We'll monitor the situation and start worrying if the chickens get run down while crossing the road.
Admiral Teo Chee Hean: We have put in the necessary infrastructure and will teach the chickens to think for themselves so that they cross the road in the most effective way.
Mah Bow Tan: The chickens must pay before they use the roads. Preferably, they should buy a LTC (License To Cross) for each trip.
BG George Yeo: In this age of information and technology, it is inevitable that the chickens get to cross the road.
One day, SM Lee and Mahathir were drinking tea at a coffee shop when Dr. M asked SM Lee, “ Eh, Ah Lee ah, There’s one question that’s been bugging me for a long time now, I hope you can answer me – How come all this while, your plans for Singapore always run so smoothly?”
With that SM Lee grinned widely and replied, “ You know why or not, Mat? Because I have many smart ministers working for me. You don’t believe I show you.”
SM Lee then turned back and waved to one of the guys on the opposite table, “ Eh, Tony Tan come over here!”
In a flash Tony came over. SM Lee asked, “ Tony, I ask you, who’s your father’s son?” In a split second, almost barely without thinking, Tony Tan answered, “ Sir, it's me.”
And with that reply, SM Lee turned back to Mahathir grinning even more widely and said, “See?” Mahathir just stroked his chin and nodded thoughtfully.
After they parted, this issue continued to weigh heavily on Mahathir’s mind. He was thinking, “ Shit, I can’t lose out to Ah Lee! I must test my men too.”
The next day, he summoned his (then) right-hand man, Anwar to his office. Mahathir asked him seriously, “Yes, answer me this question, who is your father’s son?”
Anwar was taken aback by the question, and for a minute or so, he just stood there with sweat rolling down his forehead. He did not know the answer.
After what seemed like an eternity to him, Anwar finally offered the standard political answer, “ Boss, this is a complex question which requires me to conduct a research study and draw out a preliminary paper. I need 3 days to give you an answer, is it ok with you?”
Mathathir agreed, thinking that as long as he could give the correct answer, 3 days should be acceptable.
Anwar rushed back home and called all his kakis but no one could give him an answer. Finally, he called Bill Clinton, “Bill, I am in deep shit. You have to help me, man! Who is my father’s son?”
Bill, who at that point in time was busy with another intern in his special windowless office in the White House discussing “politics”, was impatient and frustrated. He replied, “Anwar, I am busy f**king now, errr, no no…I mean I am f**king busy now, call me later.”
But Anwar persisted and didn’t want to hang up till he got the answer. “Who’s my father’s son? Bill, please tell me!”
Finally out of frustration, Bill replied, “ It's me, lah!”, and slammed down the phone.
Anwar now grinningly went back to see Dr. M. “ Boss, after 2 sleepless night of endless research and proposal writing, I have finally come up with the answer to your thought-provoking question. The answer to the question ' who is my father’s son' is Bill Clinton. Bill Clinton is my father’s son.”
With that, Mahathir let out a deep sigh and shook his head with much disappointment and replied, “ That’s why we are always one step behind Singapore! Anwar, you are not smart enough – the correct answer is Tony Tan!”
Once upon a time, the Singapore media industry was free to report just about anything. That is why they were called RTS, as the reporters were free to Roam The Street and Report True Stories.
However, under the leadership of Mr. LEE (Loves Editing Everything), RTS became SBC (Script By Censorship). Soon, most of the reporters quit while those who stayed behind had to work under Si Bay Chum conditions.
Since these reporters could not roam the streets or report true stories, they had to fabricate Si Beh Choon ('choon' is Cantonese for 'stupid') stories that nobody wants to know.
Only the students from NUS (Nothing Up Stair) thought the reports were Si Beh Cheem.
Then SBC started to employ these students as reporters. As there was nothing that could be freely reported, SBC changed its name to TCS (Totally Censored Station) and become a Talk Cock Station only.
Hopefully, TCS will not change its name again to NCS (No Choice Station).
